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Ask Pat

My clients tell me what's going on in their lives and ask for my opinions, advice and unusual insights. 

This is fun and informative for all of us.

If you have a problem or situation that could use some fresh input, email me at askpat@patsbook.com.

I'll post your email and my answer on this page.
Woman w/ light bulb over head

Chapter 20     September  2007

CLEAN YOUR UPHOLSTERY


One of my friends recently asked how to clean her sofa.  Since we all have sofas that tend to get dirty, here are some ideas and tips on how to do-it-yourself cheap.


Before you begin thinking about how to clean upholstery, look on the furniture for the fabric cleaning code label.  If you find it, this will have the instructions for how to clean the specific fabric and that will give the best results.

  • “W” stands for water-solvent, which means that water will not harm the fabric.
  • “S” stands for solvent-clean-only products.  Search for a solvent-based upholstery cleaner in the grocery store or check with a furniture store.
  • “SW” will note that either water or solvent will clean the upholstery.
  • An “X” on the label means that you cannot use water or solvents; these have to be brush cleaned or professionally cleaned.

If you do not find a label and want to check if water will damage the fabric, rub a wet cotton ball on the backside or unnoticeable place of the fabric. If the cotton ball turns same color as the fabric, it is not colorfast fabric.  It will require professional cleaning to prevent bleeding.


If your furniture is water-solvent, you can do it yourself using the instructions and tips that follow.


DO NOT steam clean or use a carpet shampooer.  Getting the fabric that wet, even if it is colorfast, will cause shrinkage and ruin the piece of furniture.

Keep upholstery as dry as possible while shampooing to prevent damage. Although it may seem that more water will allow you to remove more stains, the moisture is in fact your fabric's worst enemy. For quick drying, open windows or turn on an electric fan, a dehumidifier, or an air conditioner in the same room.


Try baby wipes.  I read some suggestions that they do great cleaning without too much moisture.


For a non-water fabric, try Dryel dry cleaning cloths.
  

Avoid using vinegar or anything acidic, as these will definitely damage the fiber.


Keep metal portions of the furniture (including pillow zippers) as dry as possible, as they will rust.  If zippers get damp, dry them with a hand held hairdryer on high speed and low heat.


There are many upholstery cleaners at the grocery store.  As long as it produces suds, it should work.  Less detergent is better.  Read the labels carefully.


You can make your own unpholstery cleaner by combining ¼-cup liquid dish detergent or laundry soap and 1-cup warm water.  Using a mixer, whip until dry suds form.  The suds will look like whipped cream.


Before cleaning, loosen dirt all over furniture with a handheld dusting brush then vacuum all surfaces to remove as much loose dry dirt as possible.
 

Test upholstery in an unnoticeable area by using the cleaning instructions.

Allow to dry.   If the area looks the same but cleaner, you may proceed to clean the entire piece in that manner.  If it does not look right, stop and call a professional cleaner.


Cleaning Instructions:

  • Apply dry suds with a cloth or soft brush and gently scrub in a circular motion or with the fabric grain.  Micro fiber cloths are best because they will not leave lint and they will absorb more of the dirt. 
  • Shampoo only a small area at a time.   
  • Dirt will begin to appear in suds as they work.
  • Use a spatula or rubber scraper to lift off dirty suds and discard into a separate container.
  • Repeat if necessary.
  • Rinse by wiping the area with a clean cloth (again, I suggest micro fiber) dipped in clear water and wrung nearly dry.
  • Change suds, rinsing water and cleaning cloths as needed.
  • Dry completely.

Well, that does not sound too hard.  I am almost tempted to go clean my sofa.  Happy Cleaning!


Patricia Kenworthy    ©August 2007
 

 

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart.  The clerk rang up $46.64 charge.  I gave her a fifty-dollar bill.  She gave me back $46.64.  I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in my favor.  She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money, again.  I gave her the money back again ... same scenario!  I departed the store with the $46.64.  This actually happened in Austin at MoPac Boulevard and Parmer Lane.
 

They Walk Among Us, and Many Work Retail.
 

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.  I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said, "Buy one-get one free."
 
"They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free."
 
She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.
 

They Walk Among Us, and Many Work Retail.
 

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
 
Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"


They Walk Among Us!


While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
 
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
 
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for some time, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."


They Walk Among Us!
 

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.  One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.  I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
 
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
 
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."


They Walk Among Us!
 

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she is trapped inside.  She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!


My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.  Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.  The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.


They Walk Among Us!
 

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.  She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
 
"Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"


They Walk Among Us!
 

While working at a pizza parlor ... I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.  He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.  He thought about it for some time before responding.
 
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
 


Yep, They Walk Among Us!  They walk among us ... and they reproduce and worst of all... They vote!  ...And reproduce!



 LAUGH!

 

Great New Product from Apple!


Apple Computer announced today  that it has developed a computer chip that
can store and play high fidelity music in women's  breast implants. The iTit
will cost $499 or $599, depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always
complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.



Click on the title to see these wonderful "Demotivator" Posters.

  Wishes
pad
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

  pad
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

 

Beauty
pad
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

  DaretoSlack
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When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

  Blame
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The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

  Demotivation
pad
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

  Futility
pad
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

  Ignorance
pad
It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

  Loneliness
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If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.

Please report any technical difficulties on this site to webmaster, Patricia Kenworthy.